But it was me birthday the other day and I was walking up the street and I bump into Morrissey! And I’m thinking, ‘I’ve slagged him off in the past and he’s going to fill me in here!’ He’s about six foot, enormous and I’m only a skinny drug addict and he’s going to kung-fu kick me in the chest! I thought he was going to batter me!
“So we walk past each other and sort of go ‘…Alright, Alright. And we stopped and had a bit of a chat. And it was alright until he went, ‘Do you live around here?’ So I tell him where and then he notices I’ve got this huge bag of booze and he goes, ‘Are you having a party?’ And I go ‘Yeah, it’s my birthday’ and I was thinking to myself, ‘Oh God, I can feel myself inviting him to my party, oh no!’ And you know what it’s like when you can feel yourself inviting someone along somewhere when you know you shouldn’t? It would’ve freaked me mates out if he’d turned up.
“But I could feel the words coming out anyway, I’m thinking don’t do it, don’t do it but I’m saying, ‘Why don’t you come along?!?’ And he goes, ‘Well, what time should I be there’, so I go home and start thinking I’m going to have to call the thing off. Nothing for it. Next thing this card appears through the letterbox from Morrissey saying, ‘Sorry, I can’t make it, but give us a ring if you want to go shoplifting’.